My life reminds me of a favourite Rudyard Kipling quote.
“Youth had been a habit of hers for so long that she could not part with it.”
Here I am 31 years old…and still in denial. I still sometimes feel as if I am 21 years old…I wonder how long I will continue in this charade. I honestly don’t see myself walking down the isle and getting married. Is that strange? I know many women know exactly what they want thier wedding dresses to look like when they are young. I have no idea….I’ve never thought of it.
I honestly think I have a major case of commitmentphobia. Is it because I’ve been through many bad relationships? Am I just jaded? Will I be like this forever? Will someone come along and sweep me off my feet like I’ve always imagined or am I just dreaming?
I go on casual dates…but no one interests me as I would like them to. Maybe I’m asking for too much….I think after dating sooo much I’ve become a pro at it. I know exactly what kind of man I’m dealing with in the first 5 min. and to me, I just don’t have the energy to waste time like I used to on meaningless relationships that will never go anywhere.
Don’t get me wrong, being married to a wonderful man and having beautiful perfect children would be a dream come true…but when? When will the search be over….I’m tired…just tired of the games….I wish I would just meet someone that I click with and live happily ever after…but that would be too easy wouldn’t it? 😉
So tonight, I’m gonna put my game face on and gear up to go on yet another date. I promise to have an open mind and to give this guy a chance…