I haven’t had one of these nights in FOREVER!! 

1. I have absolutely no idea where my purse is.

2. I believe that dancing with my arms overhead and wiggling my bootay while yelling WOO-HOO is truly the sexiest dance move around.

3. I’ve suddenly decided I want to kick someone’s ass and honestly believe I could do it too.

4. In my last trip to “pee” I realize I now look more like Tammy Faye Baker than the goddess I was just four hours ago.

5 . I drop my 3:00 a.m. submarine on the floor (which I’m eating even though I’m not the least bit hungry), pick it up and carry on eating it.

6. I start crying and telling everyone I see that I love them sooooo much.

7. There are less than three hours before I’m due to start work.

8. I’ve found a deeper/spiritual side to the geek sitting next to me.

9. The man I’m flirting with used to be my 5th grade teacher.

10 . The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table and sing or dance becomes strangely overwhelming.

11. My eyes just don’t seem to want to stay open on their own so I keep them half closed and think it looks exotically sexy.

12. I’ve suddenly taken up smoking and become really good at it.

13. I yell at the bartender, who (I think) cheated me by giving me just lemonade, but it’s because I can no longer taste the gin.

14. I think I’m in bed, but my pillow feels strangely like the kitchen floor.

15. I start every conversation with a booming, “DON’T take this the WRONG WAY but…”

16. I fail to notice that the toilet lid’s down when I sit on it.

17. My hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves.

18. I’m tired so I just sit on the floor (wherever I happen to be standing)and take a quick nap.

19. I begin leaving the buttons open on my button fly pants to cut down on the time I’m in the bathroom away from my drink.

20. I take my shoes off because I believe it’s their fault that I’m having problems walking straight!